Last year, a family member asked me to reach out to a friend who was struggling with sex addiction. He was only 23 years old, so I sent him a letter sharing my story and cordially encouraging him to join an SA group and get some help. I was careful not to tell him what to do and to use "I" and not "we".
Later we talked and even met a couple of times. I shared my story with him but didn't ask him to share his with me, though he did a little bit. He promised me he'd get help. I've continued to send him notes and text messages, but he no longer responds to me.
He started getting help, but his resolve quickly fizzled out. I received a note from my family this morning. It looks like this friend is no longer struggling with sex
addiction, but is embracing it.
This has troubled and saddened me this morning. I know the destruction that addiction causes. I know of lives it has destroyed. It saddens me that he is choosing to embrace the path of addiction. I know that I cannot force anyone into recovery. I know that his own "enlightened self-interest" must lead him to SA, just as mine led me to SA.
Still it bothers me. I am trying to surrender this to my Higher Power. I want to surrender my sadness and dismay. I want to surrender the desire to act out, which is my usual coping mechanism. I want to surrender the choices this man must make for himself and that I cannot make for him. I want to surrender any control that I think (wrongly) I can have over another person.
I am praying for this person. And praying for a measure of wisdom - that perhaps I can say something that will be encouraging and helpful to him.