I'm a Sexaholic with a very friendly addict. When I was twelve, my addict introduced me and some friends to pornography - a magazine lying on the ground. We ogled this and then shared out the pages among us. The addict within me awoke and I have never been the same since...but my addict was never mean...it cared for me and I loved it in return.
My addict came with me to college and together we went beyond the confines of masturbation and pornography. Through two marriages it never left me. There were dry spells when my addict waited and then came back again...and again. Now, in my 60's, it's hard to believe I shall ever escape the strangle hold of my addict - because, even today, I still love what it does for me and how it makes me feel.
I still love my addict even though I've tried many times to stop it, pray for it or ignore it. My addict doesn't care...its influence is too familiar. As my addiction grew stronger with age, my addict developed an alter ego within me, identified with me and bound me up with many vices.
The other day, I confessed to a colleague that I am a Sexaholic and that I needed to become sober. I felt love for my colleague like never before and a new love from my HP too.
My colleague helped me to see how powerless I was - not only to say No but even to sober up. I can't believe I'm saying this but, for the first time, I stopped feeling that overpowering lust from my addict. My addict had for that moment suddenly became sedate. I told my friend "You don't understand, I feel free for the first time in my life." I suddenly believed at that moment, "I can live a sober life!"
My friend suggested SA - I had never heard of it before. It has been 2 weeks since then but it feels like 2 years. I have acted out again but less than my usual 3-4 times a week thing. I'm in love with SA...this is overwhelmingly new...it's a wonderfully amazing thing. I really want to attend a face to face meeting but need to feel safe about that as well.