How I surrender to recovery today

By "hitting my knees" each and every morning, without exception, and admitting to God that I am completely powerless over lust, my character defects, my whole self, and that I need Him in my day

By "hitting my knees" last thing each and every night, without exception, as I need Him to keep me sober and sane at night too
By taking 20 minutes to pray, every morning without exception, as way of centering myself and of turning my consciousness over to His care
By reading 2 pages from the AA Big Book almost every day (or some other AA or SA literature, at the moment I am reading the ESSAY) plus 2 or more pages from another book which nourishes me spiritually
By going to 3 - 6 SA meetings a week, every week
By sponsoring other SAs, which pushes my comfort zone, egocentrism and laziness, but helps me to focus on others more than on myself
By staying sponsored and following the suggestions of my sponsor as if my life depends on it (why do I need a sponsor if I know better?)
By doing service for SA on many different levels - Group, Intergroup, Region and International. 12th Step work whenever the opportunity arises
By telling ALL my secrets repeatedly and explicitly (I am as sick as my secrets)
By continuing to do the "inside job" to the best of my ability - not drinking lust, avoiding contact with ex-girl friends, not taking the first look, not taking the second look, avoiding lustful places (like beaches, dancing places, red light districts, etc. I am as allergic to these triggers as I was 4 years ago! Unfortunately I don't do this perfectly but I do see progress
By surrendering to the fact that I have a forgetful disease, which means that I have to read, go to meetings, listen, share, etc., "as a process", not as something to do until I get my degree and then I can live like people who don't have this disease
By not looking at myself naked, especially my genitals
By sleeping in a regulated way
By eating in a healthy and regular way
By following the suggestions from others: sponsor, oldtimers, confessors, doctors, psychiatrist, job coach, (no matter how unnatural this sometimes feels), asking for feedback or advice before making big decisions
By continuing to look for opportunities to make living amends
By continuing to explore the faith tradition into which my Higher Power has guided me (despite much resistance from me at  ;-) )
By taking the prescribed actions, doing the 'next right thing', even when I don't feel like it, especially when I don't want to do it; by "faking till I make it"

I don't do any of this perfectly and my life are still pretty unmanageable. I am still hoping for an easier, softer way - for 'a way to get out'. If this seems like a lot, remember that it takes less time than it took me to act out.  Once I was emotionally and spiritually dead, and going to die physically too very soon too. Today, the SA solution has created a new me. I feel better and I live better. I thank God that SA is in my life today!