Today I have some pretty counter-intuitive views on this - views that reflect my own ongoing experience with Steps 2 and 3, and the conviction that I "need to let go of my old ideas absolutely" (AABB ch 5) if I am to recover... But first, how have I come to these particular conclusions...?

I have been a member of SA for many years. In the early years it was I who chose my sponsors. I wanted the best sponsor, the one with the longest sobriety, and above all the one who had what I wanted (and what a meaningless criterion that was, considering where the rest of my best thinking had got me...!). All that meant that my sponsors had to be among the founders of SA, to be among the key players in the fellowship etc etc.... What a load of egotistical nonsense all that was....

Today, with all my wonderful early sponsors long dead, and having been granted everything I ever wished for in recovery, (which included a lot of things that nearly killed me, such as the partner of my dreams, the career of my dreams, the home of my dreams etc etc...), I am very, very leery of expressing any strong wish whatsoever.  It was strong wishes that have led me to repeated relapse... after 5 years sobriety, then 7 years sobriety, then 3 years sobriety....  Although much involved in service and sponsorship, I kept on "going back out" before the REAL miracles began to happen.... the miracle of deep inner sobriety, freedom from feeling alternately cocky, crazy or just lost in shame, and the joy of feeling somewhat useful to others at last...

Today I have had the same sponsor for 4 years. I am 3.5 years sober. He does not have anything I particularly want, apart from a strong commitment to our program, to sponsorship, and to the HP of his own understanding. I did not choose him. He was allocated to me. He is much younger than I am. We could hardly be less alike. We don't share the same religious beliefs. He lives in another country on the other side of the world. He frequently upsets me by making fun of all the things I used to consider important in life. But he is by far and away the best sponsor I have ever had.... Many a time have I come off my call to him metaphorically bleeding, having been cut right back down to size - the size of a spiritual midget...  BUT, he is intensely dedicated, loyal, blunt, and hard driving. There isn't an ounce of people-pleasing in the man.  Today I know that those are the gifts I really NEED in a sponsor, rather than the gifts I may think I WANT in a sponsor. If I was to be free to choose the sponsor I wanted again (and indeed I am free to do that at any time), I would refuse, afraid of wasting a few more years of potential sobriety.... simply because I have shown repeatedly that I don't know what is good  for me....

But there is One who does know what is good for me. That one is God. And today I am focused, much of the time, on finding Him now. And as I trudge this road of happy destiny, life is indeed getting better and better, and thankfully, my sponsor seems to be getting tougher and tougher....!

So here's my advice:

- ask for a sponsor, don't choose one. Do this in such a way that God is free to choose the one He thinks is best for you. You might do this by asking your group secretary to allocate a sponsor to you, for example. That way principles rule, and personalities don't get in the way.

- stick to that sponsor through thick and thin, secure in the knowledge that God has chosen him for you.  Do this no matter how much it may hurt at times....

- don't be put off by anything your sponsor tells you or asks of you (unless it is illegal...). This is because where two or more are gathered together for the higher purpose of bringing us both to a new experience of God and a life of happy usefulness,  I now believe that a remarkable transformation takes place: today I sincerely believe that when we let Him, God takes over that  relationship and uses it for the good of us all.

Thank God for the miracle of sponsorship and the way He uses it to transform us all - sponsors and sponsees....