In SA I have received the grace from God to see myself as I really am and the willingness to change in His direction. In other words, I have become desperate enough to really work the Steps and to try to get closer to God. It has taken several years in SA for that to happen but better later then never.
I used to play with the program. I got bits of the first two Steps but was really as sick, or sicker, then before. Even if I was not acting out, the way always seemed downwards. Then I realized that lust and acting out was maybe 5% of my disease. The rest was my sick attitude towards God, myself, the world and other people.
My life so far has been a disease. I am an spiritual, moral and intellectual bankrupt. That's not self-pity, just a statement of fact. Only when I saw this and grasped the program as my last chance to end my pointless suffering, did my life begin to change for better. And it is a stunning change. I cannot express how thankful I am to God, the program and the SA fellowship for this new life.