Getting well someone else's way

Working the Steps with my sponsor and the AA Big Book has taught me how to submit to someone else's direction and way of doing things. The fact that I was addicted to sex should have been proof enough that my best thinking about God and myself was quite messed up and needed some serious change.

If I was such a good judge of what was good for me, then what was I doing in this insanity in the first place? And if I really had "my Higher Power" figured out, what was I doing wallowing in the horrid mess I had made of things? What kind of a screwed up notion did I have of both myself and "God" if my addiction was any evidence of the rightness of my thinking?

When the pain finally got to be high enough, it finally became clear that I needed to learn how to submit to someone who had what I wanted (sobriety and serenity topped the list of what I wanted in a sponsor) AND how to submit to God (something that I really hadn't done much of yet). And having worked the Steps under the direction of a sponsor, I've also learned that one of my character defects is always thinking I'm right, so I still need a lot of practice at doing what I'm told.

I do not believe I would be sober today if I had not learned how to surrender to God through the process of submitting to the direction of my sponsor. Maybe working the Steps without a sponsor works for some people, but I don't know any of those people, and I'm convinced it wouldn't work for me.

In summary, for us surrender is the change in attitude of the inner person that makes life possible. It is the great beginning, the insignia and watchword of our program. And no amount of knowledge about surrender can make it a fact until we simply give up, let go, and let God. When we surrender our 'freedom,' we become truly free." (SAWB p.82)