Thank YOU God for the fruits of my ongoing recovery from lust & sex addiction after 5 years of sexual sobriety:
- Most of the time, I no longer crave a relationship (which completely dominated my life before)
- I can be alone today and enjoy it... be at peace reading a book lying on my couch... enjoy the silence (I have no TV and rarely play music)
- I see nature more... the little things... birds, clouds, rain...
- I have much more of a prayer life than I ever had before (although I had read many books on spirituality and could babble a lot about it, I never lived it on a practical basis); today every lust temptation incites me to pray, to turn towards YOU
- I can keep my promises to others (In the past I could never keep promises, even those I had made an hour ago)
- I don't make impulsive decisions anymore. Today I discuss things with others (In the past I would decide to go to India and would be on a plane the next day; or I'd rent an apartment in the morning, see another that I liked more in the afternoon, and rent that too)
- There are more days today that I don't drink lust than days that I do (and that's a miracle because in the past I would drink lust from morning till night: every woman, every interesting body part, I would sexualize and drink in. Although I was once an active alcoholic too, I always drank a hundred times more lust than alcohol each day!)
- I am more open to ordinary, lust-free women today (I used to look down on them and ignore them completely). Sometimes I can find an ordinary woman attractive, just because of her way of being. (I am still completely powerless over beautiful women however and struggle to avoid idolizing them)
- I like structure and order today (though I despised them in the past). I like waking early in the morning and getting to bed early too. These are spiritual awakenings and signs of recovery, as God and nature are structured and orderly too.
- I love doing 12th Step work, especially giving presentations about SA to therapists, students or the press. (In the past I would do nothing unless money or sex were on offer).
- I like to sponsor other members of SA (most of the time); giving my free time to others; sometimes taking 6 or more calls a day.
- I have hope today (while I only knew despair and hopelessness before)
- Slowly but surely, I'm becoming less negative about society, the world, politics, etc.
- Most of the time, I do NOT even WANT to masturbate, use prostitutes, look at pornography, abuse drag girls, etc. (I used to think that was "real life". Today I see it is death).
- I have the fellowship of my SA friends to help me stay sober and joyful - and I like it
To be continued....