The SA White Book tells me "The crucial change in attitude began when we admitted we were powerless (over lust)" pg 204. On page 40 I read "Because (I) live inside (my) attitudes (I) don't see them; (I) see only the physical activity and (I) think (I am) feeling guilty for that.... Thus (I) must look behind the physical to see what's really at work in (my) sexaholism."
And then there are these amazing revelations.
"...let's take a look at lust, for it is this concept that serves as a bridge between the physical and the spiritual aspects of our sexaholism" and "lust-an attitude demanding that a natural instinct serve unnatural desires." SAWB page 40 again.
I am slowly learning that I am not addicted to sex. That's just the outward expression of my spiritual illness. I'm learning that I am addicted to an attitude. A very demanding and pervasive internal spiritual attitude called lust. Lust overpowers me every time I try to control it or manage it or rationalize it or use just a little bit of it or do any of the 1000's of things I've tried to keep it in my life. I did not lose "everything" to lust. In fact on the outside things looked ok. I even had my wife of 30 years fooled. She grew up without intimacy. She believed what we had was normal. I did not lose "every thing" to lust - but I was about to lose everything that mattered. And I was about to lose myself.
If you are new to this journey - WELCOME. As the result of this programme of recovery (the 12 Steps) I have found my self - my TRUE SELF. The self that has come to experience an attitude of surrender as the key to freedom.