The 12 Steps of SA are the easiest, softest way to sexual sobriety, because every other way to sobriety that I’ve tried didn’t work! It wasn’t that they were harder; they just didn’t work! What happened with every other way is that I’d be sober for a while – a week, a month, hardly ever longer – and then I’d give in again. So they weren’t really “ways to sobriety” after all.
These "other ways" for me (the ones that didn’t work) included:
- Using my own will power. (“I just won’t do this any more.”)
- Putting obstacles in my way. (“I’ll just put the temptations in a closet.”)
- Talking about it with others. (“I’ve got this problem. Can you help me be aware of it?”)
- Psychiatric drugs. (“Take one each day; it’ll suppress your desire.”)
- Understanding my problem and its sources. (“Ah! It’s all my parents’ fault!”)
- A religious solution. (“I’ll really get involved in church.”)
- Keeping it secret. (“If no one ever knows, then it doesn’t matter.”)
- Throwing it all away. (“There. This is new start. I’ll never do this again.”)
- Just not looking. (“Look away. Look away. Look away.”)
- Restricting the severity. (“Okay, this is my new boundary. I can do everything up to this, but not this.”)
- And, of course, one of the biggest dodges of all, that obviously didn’t work:
- Giving in to it and living the lifestyle. (“If I can’t stop it, then I might as well enjoy it.”)
So, my experience says that the Steps are actually the Easiest, Softest Way to sobriety.