I turn as I step off the end of the escalator and onto the train platform. I'm at car 7 and car 1 is just to my left. It'll be a bit of a walk still. No problem. I'm early arriving at the train, so I'm in no rush. It's been a long day, and I'm a long way from home. I'm tired, and I'd just like to be there already.
There is one other person, a bit ahead of me, also walking toward the front of the train. As I look up, I can immediately see this person is dressed for maximum attention. There is nothing subtle about that look. It is "the intrigue, the tease, and the forbidden" that as a sexaholic I find so instantly desirable - right there, strolling half a car ahead of me. The temptation is really strong. The opportunity for me to enjoy "the look" and build the fantasy is mine for the taking. In a moment I could be flying high on my drug.
"God, I surrender." A little prayer that is so simple to say. And yet, in this moment of honest surrender, a power beyond me is brought to bear - a power over lust that I do not have in myself. It is a power that frees me from the obsession and the compulsion. I do not have to be bound by lust in this moment.
And then the thought occurs to me that maybe we will be in the same car, maybe even sitting beside each other. But I find that instead of a further temptation to lust, I am now facing fear. And in this moment something even more surprising happens, something I do not expect - I laugh. I laugh because it occurs to me that I might just be the only person on the train who is going to be praying the whole way home.
Turns out we're in the same car, but I'm two seats behind. It does not matter. I am surrendered.
I'm rolling into my station now, and it's taken the better part of the trip to type out this post on my mobile. (I'm very slow at typing on this thing.) No, I didn't pray the whole way home, but I have enjoyed writing this and, either way, I've been reminded once again that God is always with me - always.