Diminishing defects

One of the gifts I have received from my commitment to long-term recovery is the gradual removal of my character defects.  In my experience, the defects are not removed with the first prayer, but gradually, over time, with daily prayer and awareness, they diminish.  In my daily prayers, I include a list of my character defects and ask my HP to replace the defects with what I hope to be. For example, “Please remove my toxic shame and replace it with the knowledge that I am a precious child of yours”
 
I was able to experience a character defect having been removed this weekend. I have had difficulty attending, and staying to the end of, any SA marathons or conferences.  My deep well of shame, even in a group of others like me, has prevented me from participating. I had a panic attack at the first two international conventions I attended and left after one session. The third convention I attended I was able to stay for half a day only because my sponsor was next to me the entire time. 
 
On Saturday, I attended an all-day SA conference. I not only stayed for the entire thing, but also felt serene and happy. I got so much out of it and brought home pages of notes.  I am grateful that the defect that kept me apart in the past was removed and I was able to receive so much experience, strength and hope from those at the conference.