My great illusion was that I could somehow "do it alone". I was like the jay-walker described on p p37-38 of the AABB. Or the fellow who thought he could manage whisky if he mixed it with milk.... or fantasizing about becoming a monk...
Some of my more deviously creative forms of acting out have been heralded by such wacky statements as these:
" Let's get married so we can have sex "legally" by the SA definition"
" Let's get ourselves a blessing: that way at least it will look like marriage"
" How could I be having an affair? I never even said anything or touched her..."
" We work together.... that puts the whole thing on a different footing..."
" How can anyone call this sex....? We are just having just a good time...."
" We're both latins... it's cultural. This is how latins behave together..."
" An affair? Would I be crazy enough to have an affair, and with a co-worker too? Listen, I'm a married man..!
Unbelievably I said ALL of the above during the period 2003-2010 when I decided it was time (having enjoyed 7 years sobriety previously) to go for a new career in public service (where earning money would not be so much of a temptation...ha ha!). The truth is I am absolutely powerless over this addiction. The above are typical examples of my best thinking when I am drunk on lust....
For ongoing recovery, I absolutely need face to face meetings, a sponsor with whom I work the steps, a sense of fellowship with other SAs, and the kind of rigorous honesty that I only seem to be able to get by listening to all your lies first.... ! God bless you my fellow sex and lust addicts. What a crazy bunch we are... Thank God we have a solution that works..