Dear Fear

Fear is a big defect with me; I might almost say an innate one.  I think it was put into my bloodstream at birth along with the hemoglobins.  Ah, dear fear, what would I do without you?

I profess to be somewhat spiritual, but instead of a faith walk, I'm usually on a fear run.

It occurs to me that fear is kind of like faith.  It's putting stock in the unseen.

Fear is faith in a future without God.  The future is me on my own or me with the help of a higher power, and the one I choose to believe is fear or faith, respectively.  It's really not a religious act for me so much as a process of elimination.  I simply can't live if I choose to believe my life is at the whim of blind chance.  I have to believe that somebody up there loves me.

The fact that I wasn't born a mosquito gives me confidence.  That would have been horrible.  I would've had to listen to that annoying mosquito sound my whole life.  Of course, it would have been nice to fly.  But I only would have lived for a few weeks and my nose would have been a straw. According to some religions, I may still end up as a mosquito.  As long as I'm a human, however, I refuse to live in fear my whole life.

Of course I'm "afraid" that I won't be able to keep up this resolve very long.  That's where I need the help of my fellow SA's like you.  I have faith that what gave me SA, what gave me sobriety, and what gave me your support will be there in the future for me as well.