For a long time, I struggled to figure out what was wrong with me. I had been acting out with MB and porn from the age of 11 and, as I got older, this evolved into emotional and physical affairs, with much time spent on the internet talking with the wrong people and searching for anything that would make me feel better and whole.
I knew I had a problem because all of this was interfering with my personal and work life and slowly eroding my relationship with my spouse and kids. I tried numerous times to stop, but it never lasted more than about 2-3 months. I just couldn't do it on my own.
A life-altering event happened last October, and though I am still married, I moved out of the house at the beginning of February. I started attending face to face SA meetings this past November and made a few false starts in the program. Finally, in January, I committed to the 12 Steps and to the fellowship. I'm now 70 days sober.
What made the difference this time around? I acknowledged I couldn't do this on my own. I attend meetings every week and have a sponsor, but the biggest help has been surrendering to my Higher Power. I am now closer to Him then I have ever been in my life and communicate with him several times a day, and not just about my addiction. He has become my new best friend. There are still days when I find it hard to "Let Go And Let God," but those days are becoming further and further apart.