90 in 90 - Day Three

Yesterday, I moved into an apartment but had some difficulty getting to sleep in my new twin bed. When I first saw that beautiful bed, my mind said, ‘Who will I get in here?’

Morning meeting at 6:30 with 25 men. Sober, strong meeting. The morning meetings seem to be the strongest. People attending this daily, early bird-gathering are particularly motivated. Most of them seem to be professionals, coming in wearing a tie and carrying a coffee. Today, I have three more meetings. I planned to complete the summarizing of my Step One, in order to give it away to the group, as soon as I've been through it with my sponsor.

I hear people who are sober for months or years... share that they are still not, and never will never be, like non-addicted people - that they are not able to manage their lives like 'normal' people, but still need - one day at a time - to use the tools of the program to stay emotionally sober and handle all that life brings. Hearing this is healing for me, because my life is unmanageable in every area. I am not just powerless over lust, but also over my emotions, attitudes, professional life, finances, my whole self... Hearing that I am not alone in this, that these guys are like me too, gives me a first ray of hope.