Yesterday morning, I got out of bed at 6 am and walked to the bus in order to get to the airport. It was the start a long day. Via New York’s JFK airport I got to Nashville around 10:15 pm. Flying along the snowcapped mountains of Greenland, seeing the Big Apple from the 'plane, praying to my HP hundreds of times, "Please may I find in You whatever I am looking for in this or that woman.” By His grace, I eventually got to bed, very tired but sober, and slept until 7:30 am.
In bed last night, and in the shower this morning, my tired, ever-inventive, crazy mind whispered that I could numb my feelings by acting out. I don't have a American mobile phone yet, so I cannot call a local member. As usual, my disease was seeking out my weak spots but, fortunately, my HP kept me sober once again.
My nerves writhed and my mind whirled, "What am I doing here? Have I gone completely crazy? Let's get out of here! Let's go to New Orleans, where there's plenty to keep lust addicts like me busy. Will the local members accept me in their meetings? How will things evolve?"
The receptionist tells me that the centre is full next week. Panic... where to go then? Loneliness... Panic is an emotion which has blighted my whole life. Calm down! My sponsor and I had rehearsed all this, step by step...it will all work out now...one minute at a time. Let's get out of my mind, go for a nice breakfast, look for a mobile phone, write my feelings down, phone my sponsor, (He lives in Nashville and I've just heard that local calls are free of charge from the phone in my room), go to the noon SA meeting:...at last a program for my day begins to emerge from the midst of chaos.
After my very first Nashville meeting, a program fellow called Scott took me in his black Jeep to buy a ‘boost phone’ - a simple cell phone which I will give me unlimited free calls within the whole US - from San Diego to New York, from Florida to Alaska and Hawaii - for just $50 a month. He came up to me after the meeting and offered me this extremely kind service. He knew, from his own travel experiences, how disorientating the first few days in a foreign country can be. Scott is a music lawyer from Texas who came to make a living in Nashville. He is very outgoing, good-looking and excellent company. After the phone deal, he drove me to a supermarket where I could do some bulk food shopping - taking advantage of the ride back home. He also lent me one of his own mountain bikes for the whole of my three months here! My HP is certainly taking care of me. I just did my best to come here. Now He's doing the rest.
Also, at the noon meeting, I eye-balled my sponsor Brian for the first time. When he shared about his newly wed wife, Jessica, I realized who he was! Funny… we had been talking daily over intercontinental phone lines but now the owner of a well-known voice was sitting there - a real person. My Walt Disney mind had imagined him very differently - a tall, blond American football player. He turned out to be rather short with casual clothes and an artistic haircut.
He told me to revise the First Step, which I had written and read to him over the phone five months before. Now, he wants me to prepare a shorter version which I can read to the local group in about 35 minutes. And so to bed.
