Why Sharing My Depravity Did Not Work
When I first came to Sexaholics Anonymous, I felt that what I needed to do most in a meeting was to have a place to dump my shame and fear. I felt that I needed to talk explicitly about my depravity, what I had done, in order to purge myself of the guilt and shame. I needed others to accept me for who I was (in all of my distress and dirtiness) so that I could accept myself. I wanted to share in meetings about the detailed depths of the wrongs that I had done, so I could unburden myself. However, I was told by my fellows at the time that that is not the purpose of SA meetings. I did not understand it then, but I have come to understand it now.
Helping Others Recover From Sex Addiction
I have learned that the purpose of any Sexaholics Anonymous meeting is to share our experience, strength, and hope with others, in order to help others recover. The depth of my depravity is part of my experience, but knowing about my depravity does not help others to recover. As a newcomer, I learned that I could focus on my own positives--those tiny little steps of progress that showed I really was getting better. Even with only one week of sexual sobriety, I could find positive things to share about that might help someone else who might be struggling with problems similar to mine. And very surprisingly to me, sharing about those small positive things seemed to strengthen them in me also, and so sharing those things helped others as well as me. So even in those early days, I learned that my purpose in sharing in any Sexaholics Anonymous meeting is NOT to unload myself. My purpose in sharing is to help others recover, as I share my experience, strength, and hope with my fellows.
Sober since 2014