My Sexaholics Anonymous story began four years ago. I was broken, and on my knees from substance abuse and sexual addiction. I was brought to my knees in a church. Two people in addiction recovery moved in next door to my house, and my mother is an addict. Basically they Twelve-Stepped me into Alcoholics Anonymous.
After about two years of sobriety in AA--and a lot of acting out with myself--I met a guy who was in SA. I had just had a spiritual awakening after a Step Five in another fellowship. That was a profound experience, and afterward I started to experience God for the first time. But even though I went deeper into my faith in God, I could not stop acting out with porn and masturbation. I had two months of sobriety the year before last, but I wasn't really surrendered.
Then on the 4th of January last year, something inside me broke. My own self interest told me that the game was and over and I had to stop. But I could not stop. The only people on the planet who I knew could help me were the men and women in Sexaholics Anonymous. They were the only people who would understand.
I was suicidal and in deep depression. I was about to fail in my university degree. I was a mess. So I came back to SA and I attended as many SA meetings as I could, as I was desperate to stay sexually sober. I feared death and failure if I did not quit. That was the most horrendous painful experience I have ever been through--but also the most rewarding one. I was on the phone all day, every day, speaking with other SA members, desperately seeking hope and the ability to surrender my lust addiction.
Eventually, I shared a Step One share in an SA meeting. That was the hardest thing I ever had to share in a group. I eventually went through four or five sponsors, looking for the right one, and by the grace of God I believe have the right sponsor for me now. I have just begun working the Steps with him. I hope to finish the Steps with my sponsor and then become an SA sponsor myself.
I am writing this on the occasion of my one year of sobriety. I am truly grateful to God and the SA fellowship for helping me stay sober one day at a time. I do not believe that it is possible for a lust addict like me to maintain sexual sobriety without the fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous. Today is a celebration and a testament to the love and support of the Twelve Steps and the fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous.