427 Solitary Self-Appraisal insufficient

…we usually find a solitary self-appraisal insufficient.” “…they had not learned enough of humility, fearlessness and honesty… (AA, Chapter 6, Into Action)

Whenever I try to hold something back from my sponsor or renewal partner, I find lust creeping back into my life with renewed vigor.  In the Chapter “Into Action” from which the above quote is found, we find that most relapse comes from an insufficient Fifth Step (or Tenth Step for those past their Fifth Step).  I have to tell ALL, or my diseased attitudes will kill me.  Once back into my life, lust will fester and grow in the darkness, like a mold.  When I place a higher priority on ‘looking good’, which is my pride and arrogance at work, than on surrender, I will suffer the consequences.  In my religious tradition there’s a saying that says that God is stern with the arrogant and merciful with the humble.  When I am stuck in my arrogance, I find that God usually has to get my attention with the proverbial two by four piece of lumber.  However, when I humble myself, and tell my sponsor or another sexaholic about my latest diseased attitudes, then I always find that God is exceedingly merciful.  I am only as sick as my darkest secret, and as I eliminate secrets, I find healing.  

Today, I will ruthlessly root out my darkest secret and share it with another in a spirit of humility.  

God grant me the courage to be humble, fearless, and honest.