340 A Dog's Life

No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity.

(AA 8)

Funny thing about my dog, he loves dirty socks. Given the opportunity, he will wallow around on the floor with them as if he’s trying to transfer the dirt from the socks to himself. It’s really quite amusing.

Clean socks are of no interest to him. The other morning I dropped the clean pair I was carrying, right in front of him, and he just sniffed them, looked disappointedly up at me, and sauntered off to find something more interesting.

That was the story of my life, up until I could no longer deny I was a sexaholic. I loved to wallow in self-pity, it was my “ace in the hole.” I’ll tell you my sad story and you will want to comfort me. Self-pity is mentioned 11 times in the AA Big Book. How I loved to wallow with the dirty sock of self-pity.

I discovered that recovery through the Twelve Steps in SA feels much cleaner when I avoid the self-pity. I could return to that dirty sock, but today I choose recovery.

Higher Power, help me not to seek pity, but rather to seek recovery.