333 Butterfly

Yet we had been seeing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world, people who rose above their problems.

(AA, p.84 55)

This morning I am trying to process last night's slip. I sit in the garden surrounded by a cage-like net.

I see a butterfly flitting as it apparently looks for a way out of the netting. Temporarily giving up the struggle, it alights on the net. At that moment I hear a clear voice within me saying , “Go, set it free”. I think I might break its wings if I try. Again, the voice prompts me, “Just gently cup it in to your palms then set it free.” 

Unlike most of my life, I do as instructed. I extend my hand, and the butterfly crawls into my palm and lets me cover it with the other hand. I walked out of the netted area and opened my palms. The butterfly peacefully flies free. Tears come to my eyes as I realize that it took trust for this fragile creature to give itself into hands that could crush it. This is the kind of trust I desperately need. 

I too am caged. My resentments against my father trap my soul as surely as the netting traps a butterfly. I must entrust myself to God, throw off my resentment in His hands, and fly. I must allow myself exposure to that gentle loving power that so clearly guided me moments ago. I need God’s Power to work the Steps. I need God’s Power for unencumbered spiritual flight. If I want to be free, I must be free of this issue. 

God, may I surrender in your loving hands. Please let me do your Will not mine.