Batch 31 #306
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
I marvel at those words as we understood him. I think about the founders of AA and admire
their acceptance of others. They insisted that members came to believe, not came to believe in a
specific god. What humility. What an inspiration.
For years I struggled with the words and the concept of a higher power. I stopped trying and
got rid of the words. I am not a spiritual person, so I stopped trying to be spiritual. Words were
leading me astray. I was always living in the past or in the future, but never in the moment. I
looked to the past for identity and to the future for salvation. When the future looked good, I had
hope. When the future looked bad, I had fear and anxiety. When I looked to the past, I usually
had pain. Any of these feeling could lead me to act out. When I let go of those voices I began to
live in the present and stopped acting out.
Once I was able to quiet the thoughts, I realized that I did not need to understand. In fact, my
limited understanding may have lead me in the wrong direction. I needed to act as if I believed,
stop over-thinking, live in the present and accept life. My decision to turn my will over to the
care of a higher power was not an event, but happened as I worked the Steps and attended
Thank you, HP, for being there all the time, and for helping me find you at last