Batch 30 #296
"...demands rigorous honesty." (AA 59)
I used to hate honesty because, when I was honest with others, it contradicted my self-image and I wanted to view myself as moral, good, healthy, and successful. I was not these things when in my addiction, and I lied to preserve my self-image. I sometimes wondered if I had the capacity to live a life of rigorous honesty.
I found the solution in SA: I must rigorously work the Program. I must acknowledge and surrender my lust before my life can return to manageability and I do not go back to acting out.
It truly is much easier to work a rigorous program than to lie about my conduct and sobriety. I would rather develop a manner of living which makes lying unnecessary.
Higher Power, help me to live so that honesty does not frighten me.