Batch 30 #295
As a result, our concept of God was wrong, and we were lost to the true God. He was either an avenging tyrant we were afraid to approach, the great Authority Figure, a Santa Clause, or some other reflection of our distorted attitudes and dysfunctional relationships. (SA 136)
Periodic examinations of my Higher Power are healthy. For me, the honest assessment is more important than whether I change my view of my Higher Power.
My Higher Power's actions and intentions must ring true in every part of my being or I keep looking. For example, one explanation version of an HP said is that where I am right now is all part of His plan. If the path of my acting out, including all the children I abused and the pain formy family as I went to prison, were all part of a Higher Power's plan, then I could never love orseek guidance from such an HP. I made the decisions that sent me on this path and I must take responsibility for my choices. This does not mean my Higher Power only believes what I think.
I do believe that my Higher Power provides guideposts directing me to the next right action. Following that guidance is my choice. I also believe that no matter how bad a mess I make from ignoring my Higher Power's guidance, future decisions can lead towards finding something positive.
Because I do not accept the plan or gender of the God offered by the majority faith traditions, finding my Higher Power requires diligence work. My faith tradition does not tell me on what to focus my attention, but rather that I pay attention so that my search for truth and meaning is free and responsible. This is a worthy mission and part of my Step Eleven work.
I pray that the quest for and the questioning of my Higher Power continues to lead me to the Truth.