Yesterday was the last day at my job, where I have worked for almost six years. This morning I  moved out of my flat. I’m heading back now to clean some more. Then I will see the landlord to give the keys back and hopefully get the guarantee back.  I will sleep the following days at a friend's place and maybe one or two nights at my parents’ house.  On the 8th I will fly to Barcelona, where I will stay in a hotel. I am getting married on the October 12th. We will then live in my future wife’s small flat until we find something bigger, and affordable.

I have so many feelings and emotions going on inside of me now: variations of excitement, joy, relief, fear, numbness, feeling small, inadequate, alone, abandoned, gratitude, awe, trust… and many others. This situation is so much bigger than I am.

Again I am having a Step One experience: I’m experiencing complete powerlessness over myself, my emotions, my character my defects, and my life. Only God can help me. This in fact is always the case, but when things seem stable and secure I tend to forget my powerlessness and think that I am in control.  

Solutions for me to stay connected today include:

Making extra phone calls

Attending extra meetings

Taking extra time to be with God (the Real and Only General Manager)

Going to any lengths to abstain from lust in all its shapes, forms, and disguises

Reading extra

Making a weekly schedule

Seeing how I can be of best service to God and the people about me

Scheduling a Fifth Step of a sponsee on Sunday

Doing the Next Right Things

Keeping breathing

Eating healthily and well

Sleeping enough and well

Spending extra time with my parents (and maybe I can do a 12 km pilgrimage to a Holy Place with my 84-year old father)

These are all tools that I have learned from SA

Thank you Sexaholics Anonymous!