Quitting Sexaholics Anonymous?

There are no gates, no obligations to stay in recovery with Sexaholics Anonymous. Everyone is completely free.

However we always encourage people considering leaving to read what an experienced Sexaholics Anonymous sponsor shared:

"Some years ago, in a fit of frustration, I sent the following questions to a sponsee who'd just told me that he was leaving the program to work on his marriageReplace this with whatever reason comes to mind: my job or career, my education, my physical, mental or emotional health, my religion or spiritual beliefs, my resentments towards other Sexaholics Anonymous members, my character defects in general, with my psychologist or psychiatrist, take care of my parents or in-laws, spend more time with my children, people in my area aren’t working the program properly etc.. He had worked the Steps and had recently celebrated one year of sobriety. I don’t remember what his reaction was, but thought the questions might be salutary for somebody else".

Twelve Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Quit the Program

  1. Our First Step says, “We admitted that we were powerless over lust.”  If yesterday you were powerless over lust, what’s different today?
  2. If God brought you to the program as a way to get sober, what makes you think he’s changed his mind? And if God’s the one who brought you here, what should we call the Power that’s driving you out?
  3. By going to meetings and working the Steps, you have reached a year of sobriety. Why take chances with the sobriety you worked hard to achieve? Why tamper with a sure thing?
  4. You’re assuming that if you got sober once, you can get sober again if you have a slip. Are you sure about that? What happens if you’re wrong? Will you come back then?
  5. You say your wifeYou can substitute this for anyone: my wife, I, me, he, him, she, her, it, its, they, them, we, us, our, you, your, my dog, my cat, my hamster or chinchilla, my priest or rabbi, the doctors, the lawyer, other Sexaholics Anonymous members etc. wants you to quit going to those meetings and stay home with herYou can substitute this for anyone: my wife, I, me, he, him, she, her, it, its, they, them, we, us, our, you, your, my dog, my cat, my hamster or chinchilla, my priest or rabbi, the doctors, the lawyer, other Sexaholics Anonymous members etc.. Okay—but can she keep you sober?
  6. You say, “I have to restore herYou can substitute this for anyone: my wife, I, me, he, him, she, her, it, its, they, them, we, us, our, you, your, my dog, my cat, my hamster or chinchilla, my priest or rabbi, the doctors, the lawyer, other Sexaholics Anonymous members etc. trust.” Do you really have the power to do that? Isn’t “herYou can substitute this for anyone: my wife, I, me, he, him, she, her, it, its, they, them, we, us, our, you, your, my dog, my cat, my hamster or chinchilla, my priest or rabbi, the doctors, the lawyer, other Sexaholics Anonymous members etc. trust” something she has to work out herself?
  7. You say you have to stay home to work on your marriageReplace this with whatever reason comes to mind: my job or career, my education, my physical, mental or emotional health, my religion or spiritual beliefs, my resentments towards other Sexaholics Anonymous members, my character defects in general, with my psychologist or psychiatrist, take care of my parents or in-laws, spend more time with my children, people in my area aren’t working the program properly etc.. Does that mean you’re putting the marriageReplace this with whatever reason comes to mind: my job or career, my education, my physical, mental or emotional health, my religion or spiritual beliefs, my resentments towards other Sexaholics Anonymous members, my character defects in general, with my psychologist or psychiatrist, take care of my parents or in-laws, spend more time with my children, people in my area aren’t working the program properly etc. before sobriety? When you have a slip and your wifeYou can substitute this for anyone: my wife, I, me, he, him, she, her, it, its, they, them, we, us, our, you, your, my dog, my cat, my hamster or chinchilla, my priest or rabbi, the doctors, the lawyer, other Sexaholics Anonymous members etc.  leaves you, where’s the marriage then?
  8. You say you need to do this for her. What about being true to yourself? What do you need to do for you?
  9. You say, “When I feel lust taking hold, I will attend a meeting.” What if sheYou can substitute this for anyone: my wife, I, me, he, him, she, her, it, its, they, them, we, us, our, you, your, my dog, my cat, my hamster or chinchilla, my priest or rabbi, the doctors, the lawyer, other Sexaholics Anonymous members etc. doesn’t want you to go? What will you do then?
  10. Our White Book says, “Healing in the family begins by staying sober, going to meetings, and working the Steps. It continues by staying sober, going to meetings, and working the Steps. It can end by not staying sober, not going to meetings, and not working the steps” (154).  What makes you think that healing your marriage*** is incompatible with going to meetings and working the steps?
  11. If your wifeYou can substitute this for anyone: my wife, I, me, he, him, she, her, it, its, they, them, we, us, our, you, your, my dog, my cat, my hamster or chinchilla, my priest or rabbi, the doctors, the lawyer, other Sexaholics Anonymous members etc. is fearful when you attend meetings, what can you do about that? Does that mean you shouldn’t go?
  12. You say, “I think of the meetings and how everyone has helped me.” What about giving back? What about your responsibility to the next suffering sexaholic? What about the man who just asked you to be his sponsor?

​​Our Responsibility Statement says, “When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of SA always to be there. And for that, I am responsible.”