The More I Experience the Sexaholics Anonymous Program, the Better My Life Gets!
I knew that sex addiction recovery was beginning to work for me when I was finally able to relax a bit. As long as I was fighting lust to stay sexually sober, I was still in danger. Throughout my life, I had fought my disease, and I always eventually lost. If all that Sexaholics Anonymous offered to me was to keep fighting lust (perhaps with a chorus of other struggling sexaholics around me), then that was not much different than what I had done before. But then I saw sober SA members who weren’t struggling or fighting lust that way. Their stories, like mine, included some horrible stuff, but they would sit in meetings relaxed and smiling. When they shared, their wisdom cut to the heart of my issues. I wanted to be like them. But it took me a couple of years to get there. First:
- I had to do Step Four: I had to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. With my sponsor’s guidance, I wrote down all of my resentments, fears, and harms to others. More important, I examined my resentments, fears, and harms to see what it was that I had done in relation to each of those categories. After all, it was my inventory, not theirs.
- I had to do Step Five: I had to share my Fourth Step with my sponsor. He shared with me, too. He helped me to examine things even further, to find the recurring “wrongs” in me that seemed to drive my life errors over and over (including arrogance, pride, contempt, cynicism, and self-centeredness).
Ready to stop fighting lust
And then, in Step Six, I became ready to let go of those wrongs to God (as I understood Him). That was another Step of huge surrender--like Step Three, but deeper. But this surrender also involved relaxation--being ready to stop fighting and let a Higher Power take over.
When I truly believe in that Higher Power--a Power greater than myself--then I can let go of my arrogance, pride, contempt, cynicism, self-centeredness, low self-esteem, procrastination, and all the other character defects that had caused me to harm and resent others. Today I can trust that God (as I understand Him) has everything all under control, so I no longer need to be in control. I can choose to take only the actions that I believe God would have me do in this moment. That is the attitude that keeps me from acting out sexually today.
Because of Sexaholics Anonymous, I can live my life at peace, in the “emotional sobriety” mentioned in Sexaholics Anonymous (the “White Book”):
And best of all, just as the admission of powerlessness over lust is the key to our sexual acting out,
so the admission of powerlessness over our defects is the key to our emotional sobriety (SA, 88)
I’m not perfect. I have fallen away a few times, and my sobriety dates show it. But the more I stick with the SA program and stop fighting lust, the better my life gets.