Most of my fear is conversational fear, that is, fear plays doomsday prophet and I try to converse with it.
Doomsday: Brace yourself! You're gonna lose your job soon!
Me: How could that be? My boss just complimented me.
Doomsday: Naturally you can't foresee calamity. That's what prophets are for.
Me: But you said I'd lose my job last year.
Doomsday: That was practice.
My dear counselor has finally given up suggesting cognitive behavioral therapy on my fear. I keep wishing my counselor would talk to my fear to see how persuasive it can be. I've tried my best to "de-catastrophize", such as when fear was saying a small bump on my earlobe was the start of malignant cancer.
Me: Cancer of the ear lobe is extremely rare. What are the odds I would have it?
Fear: Fine. Ignore it. I'm sure the cancer will be easier to treat in advanced stages.
Me: I do not have ear lobe cancer!
Fear: Maybe not. But your earlobe has skin. Maybe it's skin cancer.
Me: I've had this before. It always goes away.
Fear: Well then, you have nothing to worry about. Forgive me for caring. I'll go.
Me: Good! (a few minutes later) O god, what if he's right?
I even have what might be called "automotive hypochondria." A little rattle in the engine compartment makes me suspect the transmission - the most expensive repair short of buying a new car. All this would suggest I have a deep-seated fascination with the worst possible scenario.
Maybe that's why lʊst fantasies are irresistible to me. In fantasy, the extremism works the other way: I conjure up the best possible scenario. I imagine visiting the doctor's office, the most attractive doctor comes in, locks the door in the most definite way, and so forth.
I used to wonder whether I preferred porn or fantasy, which for me is like choosing between French fries and chocolate. A fantasy woman produced a more intense high, since I could control her absolutely, but a porn woman was more real, or at least insofar as a mass of pixels radiating on a plastic surface creating the illusion of movement can be called real.
Anyway, today it seems to me that I should treat lʊst fantasies and fear fantasies the same way.