For me, freedom from lust is contentment. Today, because of the fellowship of Sexaholics Anonymous, I have a hope and a calmness, and I can experience serenity, peace, and joy. I am able to be present in the moment, giving full attention to the people I’m with or what I’m doing. When I’m living free from lust, I also feel emotional clarity. I can be on my “A” game even during trying times and challenging moments. Contrast that to when I was consumed by lust--that is when my life becomes unmanageable.
When I’m lusting, I exist in a dense fog, trying to live like two people in one body. I’m running a whole separate world in my mind than what I’m doing in the presence of others. I become isolated and consumed with myself: my insides, my thoughts, my schemes, and my fantasies. I feel heavy and weighed down. It’s like I’m in a dream where I’m trying to run, but everything is in slow motion, as if I’m running in mud. I’m fighting a losing battle but my brain does not know it. I’m on a dead-end street with no escape. There is no joy, no clarity, no calm, no peace, and no rest. There is only chaos, confusion, and craziness, and it seems there is no hope anywhere.
Sexaholics Anonymous Has Given Me Hope and Contentment
But I have found hope in Sexaholics Anonymous. The hope was tiny at first, just a brief parting of the clouds. Then freedom started to show up, when I was able to identify what my struggle was: it was LUST. As I allowed myself to look at what that meant, my fog started to lift. Lust is a condition of my being incapable of contentment with my life as it is. But through the acceptance of this condition, I began to put one foot in front of the other, and to show up and take the next step. That meant going to SA meetings, calling other members, getting a sponsor, and working the Steps.
The SA community showed me that I was not alone and that I can have hope--because there are many others here who are and were just like me. When I show up at an SA meeting, others are always there. I feel lighter and calmer. Fellows call me by name and acknowledge me before and after the meetings. Other women meet with me and we share our experiences, and that makes me feel like I belong. I gain strength and support through each person at the meetings. My sponsor diligently works the Steps with me and talks with me regularly. The whole SA community encourages me to keep coming back, and I do.
Now I live almost every day in serenity, peace, joy, calm, and contentment. I know that each morning when I wake up my Higher Power is right there with me. More than sobriety from sexual addiction and destructive behaviors, I now have an emotional clarity that helps me be able to face everything life throws at me. It all began with my willingness to look inside myself, even if it was just a quick glance. Then it grew to a longer look, and then a curiosity to learn more and to understand. Each tiny step of action in my Sexaholics Anonymous program has led to another step of action. Daily, these steps lead me to freedom from lust to contentment.